Sometimes


I wonder if it is possible to be the best at just one thing. I don’t need to be good at everything, but to be recognized for one thing, regardless of how simple would be nice. And no, best daughter or best sister doesn’t count, simply because I am the only one.

There’s so many wishes and dreams that I’m only beginning to realize that I will never be able to fulfill.

If there is one thing I would admit that I lack, one character flaw, it would have to be low self-esteem, or the lack of self-confidence.

I spend so much time comparing myself to other people and just thinking about how great everyone else is. It’s becoming a mental hazard. Why? I think and plan a project (example: writing a fanfic), then some where down the road I read this absolutely brilliant fanfic and I just completely lose confidence. It’s not like I write well, my dialogue sucks, my original character (OC) is a Mary-Sue, my canon characters become out-of-character (OOC), and then I just give up.

Giving up is easy, sometimes it’s really too easy. But you know what? Just because it’s east doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I think it hurts even more than trying and failing. So here I am just trying and maybe failing, but trying none the less, because I’m really tired of running away.

Baking cupcakes and selling them? Okay

Writing that Prince of Tennis fanfic? Okay

Backpacking in Europe for a month? Okay

I’m not going to run, because failing can’t be that bad right? If only I could take the leap of faith and take joy in all that I do. But hope for me is a bittersweet friend.

Sorry for whining, I just needed an outlet.

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